Things Are Gonna Start Happening

 So I've been dragging my feet on this project. I have bipolar disorder and depression so a lot of the time I don't feel like doing that much. I try and want to do stuff but I can't. I feel like giving up all the time. I need to feel better and want to feel better. I go to therapy every week and see a psychiatrist once a month. I take my meds and actually they've helped in some sort of way. The problem is that I need to overcome the bad thoughts. The thoughts that it will be a waste of time of worthless to take up the YouTube and blogging hobby again. I did it before and it went nowhere so what will make this time any different? The difference is that I need to do it for myself. I need to have something that I can do to make me happy. I need to have a hobby to occupy my time and mind. One thing that I want to do is upgrade my iPad and my MacBook. If I did that I know I would feel good for a little while and do what I want to do, but that would be a honeymoon phase. Will it stick? I want to buy the MacBook Neo and a newer iPad. I have a Pro now and I don't think that I need a Pro. I feel like a normal old iPad will do the trick for what I need. All I need is something to type on and something to edit videos on. I can do that with either an iPad or a MacBook. The Neo is just a shiny new toy that Apple made and I want one. I think that I have the wants more than anything. I have an M1 iPad Pro 12.9 inch and I have an M1 MacBook Air 13 inch. Both are capable of doing what I need and I still haven't done anything to get started. Of course I'm writing this blog right now but that's all the farther I've made it. I don't know what I want to create is part of the problem. If I had an idea of what to make I'd make it. I go nowhere and I do nothing. I eat and watch tv and sleep. Those are my pastimes. I need to do more. I need to be creative. I'm not but I need to be. I could do a weight loss channel. I could do a personal vlog channel. I could do a local businesses channel where I visit coffee shops and malls. I don't know. I want to be a good content creator but I just don't know how. All I know is things are gonna start to happen. They have too. I'll talk things over with Andy and see what happens. He's gonna tell me to do it I know he is. But I have to come up with an idea.